You might think that this post will be about my addiction's to crafts and such things, but, no, this post is truly about addiction. I've had things happen in this past couple months that have knocked me for loops! So, as I've been doing for about 27 years, let me start this meeting as I've done many times:
Hi, I'm Deborah and I'm an addict. 27 years ago after being in a marriage with an abusive spouse, I thought that the only way to handle my crying.....my black moods.....my general unhappiness with life was to go to the doctor and get something. So, it was easy the first time to go and get a script for Valium. That made me feel better, but, I' was eating all the day....fueling my depression. Then, I went to the doctor to help me get something to curb my eating. Then before I knew it I was walking around with a purse full of prescriptions from and taking pills 24 hours a day! I didn't think anything was wrong with what I was doing because it wasn't like I was riding around with cocaine....or pounds of pot.....no, these were pills from the doctor, although I had gone to many doctors by this time.
Then, one day, I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror and did not like what i saw or how I felt, and I went and through every pill in my purse in the trash. Now, did all my problems go away when I stopped abusing my medication? NO!! I went through two marriages....my children being abused.....losing my business.....and being involved for 10 years with a man that was a drug addict and I tried to save him! Yea, that didn't work out either. It took a accident which disabled me and me and my children moving back to my sleepy little hometown. I had to humble myself and loose everything I had....but, I didn't loose my life. I still had my family, but, through it all I never went back to my pill addiction.
Just this past week, I found out that my life long friend of 36 was in an assisted living facility due to brain diminished capacity because of lesions on her brain due to years of drug addiction. Her drug of choice was pills. She is not the same loving, caring, giggly, funny person that she use to be. I was heartbroken that this woman had followed down the same path as me, but for some reason she wasn't strong enough to stop the insanity in her life.
My heart was broken! This friend and I have known each other so long....she is my oldest daughter's God Mother. Oh, the good times we have had. I remember the last time that I had seen her which was almost 2 years ago.....the signs were there.....and I think that deep down in my heart I knew she had a problem, but, I ignored it.
I felt I had to share this with you.....one of the things that I have learned in recovery is there is help out there...you just have to ask. It can be as simple as calling a hot line.....most towns have number's listed for Alcoholic and Narcotic Anonymous hot lines, or some groups advertise small ads in the local newspapers for those that still read a printed paper, and, of course, you can find numbers and information online. There is always someone in recovery that are willing to help you take that first step. Please do not believe it can't happen to you, as I know my dear friend never believed it would happen to her....and seeing and knowing that the spark is gone from her life and she is just existing....well, again I say my heart is broken.
So, with all this said....
Thanks for letting me share,